You Can't Control Other People: Mind Your A's and E's
When I was in pre-school... yes, we're taking it way back... obviously this was a traumatic event...
Anyways, when I was in pre-school, I was just learning how to write. Do you remember the sheets you would write on that had the dotted line through the center? They were there so that when you wrote, you would know how high each letter should be.
On one specific day (it seems dark in my memory), we were working on our lowercase a's and e's.
Grandma Pat was a nice old lady. I'm sure she was. She worked at a daycare. She had to be right? I was only 4 at the time, but I'm SURE she was a good person. She was looking on as we did 10 a's and 10 e's.
I got done early, and being that I was 4 years old and couldn't just sit there, I got bored.
Now, I didn't do anything crazy. I didn't sneak away and try to ransack the kitchen for extra cookies or anything. I just started to color in my a's and e's. This was better than creating mischief somewhere else in my opinion.
Grandma Pat comes over and just lays into me. I do not remember exactly what she said, but I remember how she made me feel. I felt like a bad kid for coloring in my lowercase letters. I did something that an authority figure didn't like, and it hurt for me to disappoint her like that. Nobody likes getting yelled at, but maybe she was just having a bad day.
Today, I understand that maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe my one act of defiance was the straw that broke the camels back.
Most times, when we flip out on someone, we get overwhelmed, or we get angry, it wasn't a single circumstance that made us act out of character. It is usually a bunch of little things that add up over time, accumulate, and wind up boiling over. Most of the time, this happens when we focus on things that we cannot control.
We can't control other people (that includes toddlers and teachers, bosses, coaches, teammates, significant others, umps/refs), luck, timing, traffic, the past, or the future. We might be able to influence some of those, but we cannot control them.
In my 5 Day Mindfulness Mini Series, I tell one story about a man who comes home from a long day of work. Before entering the house, he stops and goes through a certain ritual (find out what that ritual is here). During this ritual, he basically reminds himself that he cannot control what happened at work, but he can control his attitude and energy when he opens the door to his wife and kids.
He reminded himself of the things he CAN control. He can control his attitude, body language, presence, preparation, perspective, energy, and effort.
He got some perspective on the situation, and realized that his kids don't care about the adversity he faced on the job. They want their energetic and fun-loving daddy.
Back to Grandma Pat... I think I needed to make this little Mini Series when I was 3 years old because she needed to hear some of this stuff. Like I said, I understand now that maybe she was just having a bad day, but if she focused on what she could control, she might've said, "Next time, when you're finished, try to get done 20 or 30 a's and e's. When climbing the jungle gym outside, the best view is at the top, but you also have to work the hardest to get there. Good penmanship makes a good person."
That was just off the top of my head, but it's better than yelling at a kid.
Control what you can control and be mindful of your thoughts and actions.
Through mindset and strategy APPLICATION, this mini series will not only help reduce stress, but you will sleep better, reduce anxiety, and increase focus. We’re all seeking fulfillment in life, and it starts with being just a little more mindful.
5 minutes a day for 5 days. 25 minutes that might just save your life.
